last night was odd. i was with J. we went out for dinner and drove around a bit. i showed him how the area has grown and changed, never for better.
we ended back at my place to waste some time and watch a movie.
then we went where we always go when we need to connect, with someone, anyone, each other. its like going home again, after not being there for so long. the smell is the same, the warm comfort and protection. you know what to expect. you know what will happen. you know the progression.
but as always, i know it is a bad idea. i tell myself it wont happen again, and we move on. but next week, next year, or in 5 years, you never know where either of us will be.
he lacks a filter.
i have excessive filter.
we want different things.

on thursday, i was diagnosed offically with PCOS.
in a way, i knew. i hoped and prayed the test results were going to be different, something curable. it is treatable, but not curable.

it is the explaination that i have been looking for, wrapped up in a neat little package. it does explain every symptom, everything that one might think are not related, but they are. from migraines, to high blood pressure, to depression, to weight, and everything in between, complete with gnarled-up insides.

i have to get further endocrine testing and balancing. i will tackle that next week.

time change.
throws everything off.