Chalk

sometimes, i forget how to do this.
i forget how to write and write like i used to. i could certainly chalk this up to being busy, working 2 jobs and more doctors appts then i can keep up with sometimes. i could also chalk this up to the medications, which i am more inclined to do.
the creativity has not left, but the means to get it from my head to paper have changed. most days i feel like i cant make sense of the noise in my head, and it drifts faster then i can remember it. I have racing memories before i sleep most nights where not one thought has to do anythig with the next. i have been having vivid dreams lately, but i dont remember most of them. on the suggestion of my shrink, i might start writing them down to see what comes of them. then again, i might not, i don't know that i want to know about them.
this week, i have 3 doctor appt and 2 more the following week. On top of that, I am working 15 hours at the store and my regular job. I have decided that I am going to take off a month from the store, 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after the surgery. i just need to see how I am going to feel. not knowing, i dont want to push myself and make myself more tired then i think i am already going to be. my parents have decided that they want to pay for the protein drinks i have to take before the surgery. they are kind of pricy, so i am thankful for the help. it is also their way of showing me that they are on board with the whole thing. I am going to need their help after, although i am sure it will come in the form of my mother carting me around and taking care of me.
i have cleaned my kitchen as much as i can tonight and I am getting myself ready for work tomorrow.

I have to go paint my toenails.