I am alone. I mean, like alone alone. I have ended the whatever thing fling I had with N. It had to end. it was never going to be what either of us wanted. I wanted more. he wanted less. someone was bound to get hurt. So, i took it on, hurt myself and ended it.
i like to believe he is hurt too. because somewhere in his head, he cares enough to hurt.
but distance makes things convoluted.
i will get past this. i have to trust that i will.
how do you delete someone from your life? well, there was that movie ''eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'', but in the end i want to hold the good parts, give away the rest. this is not a balanced list. the bad always outweighed the good.
I dont even know if I will call him one of my 'great loves' one day.
for now, he and i are not speaking. its easier.
i dont know that i ever will talk to him again. we tried distance before. we found each other again in a text message or an email about some inside thing that no one is privy to.
now i will wait.
to feel better
to fall down
to get up
to move on
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