doomsday

tomorrow.
ah, tomorrow. it will be the first time i will see him in almost 6 months.
i still cry at the drop of hat over the whole thing. sometimes, i just feel robbed. i have never been here. either i walked away completely, or was walked away from completely or was never really in love before. and this time, he is still around. he is in my head, in my email, calling my cell. he has not walked away, we just fell apart. and i fell apart. and i am just so tired of feeling this way.
why cant i just get over it?

its like for so long i was off. i didnt feel anything. i didnt get close to anyone. i stayed at a distance. but this time, i jumped in. i jumped in with my eyes closed. and i landed on my ass. and it hurts my heart so much, i just fake it to get through the day. and there he is, living with someone right after he left me. he is living with her and i should be happy that its shows he hasnt changed at all and she is the last in a line of people he has done the same thing too. but there is me, somewhere in the middle left behind. he came in and turned my life upside down and i let him. and i wanted him to be ok. and i wanted him to change. and i wanted to be the best for him. i wanted the best for him. when he went to school, we got through it because we were supposed to. he was not supposed to leave. he was not supposed to find someone else. i wanted to be the one to make the first move.
i only got the chance to make the last one. that day, i had it. i was tired of all of it.